Photogeddon - Day 4

No pearls of wisdom this evening. I have been away from my wife all day and need some time with her to reconnect. So I leave you with these images from today.

Progress




Nature




Lines




Flight of the Bee



Water Feature

Farmville is stalking me

Here is a screen shot from my google analytics for my blog. Now I haven't played Farmville on facebook or in any form for half a year. Yet, here it is, Farmville is stalking me.

And in case you were wanting to know, Farmville is in Virgina.

The Global Castration of Creativity – Part 3: The Birth of Courage:

Enlightenment

My creative-life wasn’t all bad and fear-filling. Yes, I had a number of significant negative experiences during my creative development, but I also had a few positive ones as well. Choir was something that I actually excelled at. While I gave up on drawing, writing and crafts-related creativity, music was something that I enjoyed and I was actually encouraged to pursue. My amazing voice (not my words, but the words of my choir teachers, peers and family members) has since left me, a use it or lose it type of thing. But all of the way through high school, I excelled at music. I taught myself how to play the piano, by ear (I can’t read sheet music fast enough to play it). I taught myself how to compose music (again I can’t read sheet music fast enough to play it but I can write it and make it sound good).

Music was such a huge part of my high school life that three of my seven classes were music related for my sophomore and junior years of high school. During my senior year, music was the first four of my seven classes. Yes, over 50% of my classes were music related. Another class, my last class of the day was drama. So 5/7ths of my senior year was creative learning and expression.



The Bridge

 When I sang with a group, I was strong. I had a wide vocal range. I sang bass by choice, but when another group was having trouble with their part; my choir teacher put me in their section to sing their parts with them to strengthen them. I sang bass, tenor, alto and soprano parts on demand. I was the strong when with a group, but when I sang solo, my nerves just about killed me. Think of a long tailed cat in room full of rocking rocking-chairs; that was me singing solo. While I had a strong voice and a musical gift, admittedly the repeated blows from past creative failures and subsequent creative beatings had left me with the self confidence of a boy who had been turned down by every girl in school, except one, and he has to ask her to the prom.

Why did I not pursue music or theatre outside of high school? A few things happened to crush that dream.

My mom and father figure (non-biological dad type) divorced after thirteen years, at the end of my junior year and my mom and I moved out of town, ten miles away, but I went to same high school. Since my car died my senior year I was stuck riding with my mom. I tried out for the school’s spring play, Arsenic and Old Lace, and landed the role of Teddy. When I told my mom, she said there was no chance I would be doing that because she wouldn’t be able to, she refused to, wait around for my rehearsals to be over after she got off work. And when I told our play director, well, she simply flipped out.



My Moon

 Then, near the end of my senior year I had a one on one session with my guidance counselor. What is it with guidance counselors? I really don’t like nor trust them, and maybe this story is the reason behind it. When he asked what I wanted to do after high school, I told him that I wanted to teach music. And his response, after reviewing my transcripts was; “You haven’t done anything with math and to be a teacher requires a lot of math. College requires a lot of math. You won’t be able to go to college.”

Well at that point in my life, math was truly a weak point in my scholastic career. I hadn’t taken any math since my sophomore year (it wasn’t required) so basically I was being told that teaching music wasn’t an option and I gave up. Guidance counselors, to quote someone from somewhere (I think it was the Pirate DJ Happy Harry Hardon from the movie Pump up the Volume; “If a guidance counselor knew anything about careers, would they have been guidance counselors?”

So instead of pursuing my passion, I joined the Navy, because I felt it was expected of me. I served for four years, got out and floundered in and out of jobs got married, because I felt it was expected of me and then came kids because I felt it was expected of me. But I wasn’t happy.

I wasn’t creating.



The Mountain

 My Creative Rebirth:

I was 32 years old and taking some classes at a local community college and it was here that I met my first creative coach, a mentor. And although she was only in my life for twelve short weeks, she was the most influential person in my creative resurgence. She was my creative writing instructor. The first day of class, the first thing out of her mouth after introducing herself was the following, and I quote:

“Welcome to creative writing. You will not be graded on grammar. You will not be graded on spelling. You will not be graded on punctuation. When you turn in your homework, I want your shitty first draft.”



Love in Solitude

 I nearly fell in love. Not once was I graded on the imperfections of my work, but instead I was provided an avenue to express myself freely without judgment. The class was hard. Everything was written by hand, her way of ensuring she was getting our “shitty first drafts”. The in-class work was intensive. The homework was heavy on the work, but the class was rewarding and motivating. During the course of the class I wrote the first chapter of my book, Bullied (still to be finished) read it here http://the-monkeyspaw.blogspot.com/2007/09/bullied-chapter-1.html and I wrote several short stories including Un-born; read it here with a warning; it is graphic and includes a detailed description of a rape, so with that said: http://the-monkeyspaw.blogspot.com/2007/09/un-born.html

I was reborn from that experience. My creative nature was nurtured into life and a lot changed for me from that point. I bought a bass guitar, separated from my anti-nurturing wife, moved in with my sister, divorced said wife, started playing music with my future brother-in-law and bought my first digital camera. It appeared to be like some form of mid-life crisis and even some called it that, but I call it an awakening to what I was supposed to be.

Two months after buying my bass guitar, my sister, her boyfriend and her roommate played a gig at a little gather of people from my sister’s church. We played a seven song set. Again, this was two months after buying my bass guitar, which I had never played as in instrument before.



Church on a Hill

 It was when my wife and I first connected that things started to really happen for me; she was my sister’s other roommate when I first moved in. One day I looked at one of her sketch books and absorbed her talent with drawing, and I admitted to her that I couldn’t draw, which was the truth at the time. She proceeded to give me the basics, gave me the right type of feedback that allowed me to grow. You can see some of my sketch work in this blog as well.

A few years later, after we were married my wife took on the challenge of painting a full wall Noah’s Ark mural in our niece’s bedroom. But it was overwhelming for her. So I stepped in to help. I hadn’t done any painting since my horrid experience in seventh grade art class. But we painted and it turned out pretty good…




http://the-monkeyspaw.blogspot.com/2007/11/noahs-ark-mural-phase-i-ii-and-iii.html

http://the-monkeyspaw.blogspot.com/2007/12/noahs-ark-mural-phase-iv-and-v.html

http://the-monkeyspaw.blogspot.com/2007/12/mural-phase-vi-completed.html

It was soon after the mural was done that I found my love of photography again. I was being nurtured all along by my wife and sister, but it wasn’t until I met my good friend, Shawn, that I had any realization of my true potential with photography. I had loved photography for many years as the result of my experience with Enlightenment which you can read about here… http://the-monkeyspaw.blogspot.com/p/about-me.html .



Flying High

 One day in 2007 I woke up and found that I was surrounded by people that could see my potential and encouraged me to go further. Because of the nurturing and positive feedback that I am getting from these people, I am taking it further, one little step at a time.

I used to ask myself, “What if these people had been in my life from the beginning?” Such as, instead of my fourth grade teacher, what if I had my creative writing teacher. What if instead of my seventh grade art teacher I had someone similar to my wife coaching and guiding me or instead of my guidance counselor, what if I had someone like my good friend Shawn urging me to follow my dream.

My life might have been so much more creatively fulfilling. But alas, would have, should have, and could have. I can’t go back in time and change these things so I need to stop living in that past. What I can do is move forward from here and carry with me the lessons that I learned from those experiences and make them a part of my future success.



Together Alone

 These are the lessons I have learned over the course of my creative life. I hope that any one of these lessons can help a single one of you because if it does, then my purpose on the world is one step closer to being fulfilled and if not, I will try again to fulfill it. Here are my lessons:

• Be confident in what you know but be honest about what you don’t know. By being open with what you don’t know, you are opening the doors to the opportunity to learning something new.

• Take all feedback, positive and negative, at face value. Positive feedback from anyone can be as damaging to your creativity as negative feedback can. Positive feedback and feed an eternally hungry ego and close off the ability to learn and adapt just as negative feedback and bruise the ego and force you back into your creative cave. All that feedback should be to you is that a person either likes or dislikes your results. It is their opinion. Opinions are like assholes, everybody has at least one they usually stink. This does not mean ignore the feedback. Instead take what you can from the feedback and use it to better yourself and your art.

• Find a balance between your creative life and your personal life. Many time people, including me, can go off the deep end; the pendulum swings hard to the right or hard to left. This is a difficult life to lead, especially for the people around you. When you see the world as “I can either create now or never again” you become unbalanced. This can lead to bitter relationships, where you blame your loved ones for your lack creativity or even bitterness towards your boss or employer. The way you balance is through planning. Make dates, physically in a calendar, for you to go do creative things and make dates with loved ones, again physically in a calendar, to spend quality time with them. Find that balance and maintain it and your loved ones will be more supportive of your creative endeavors.

• Surround yourself with like minded people. People who share your interest, your passion. I am not recommending a divorce here, although I mentioned my own divorce above. I am saying that you need to get connected with people either through a local or even international club. If you are a photographer join Flickr. If you are writer, join a local writer’s guild. If you are painter find a local artist in action group.

• Find your vision of the world around you and find your voice to share that vision honestly. Your vision is not found by mimicking others in your creative field. Your vision is not found by sitting on your ass. You vision is found by actively pursuing your craft and tuning your work to be decidedly yours. You voice is found by being honest with everyone, including and starting with yourself. Be honest about how you see the world. Be honest in your communications. Be honest. If you are honest all things will come to you. Be Honest. If you are honest, others will be honest with you. BE HONEST! If you want to give the world the middle finger; do it. If you want to give the world a hug; do it. Just be honest about it because if you aren't, the world will know.



• Don’t be in a hurry. When you rush mistakes are made. When you take shortcuts important things are missed. Plan your path, visualize your path, assess your path for risks and then execute your journey. While you can’t plan for everything and an eventual bump in the road will occur, go back into planning mode to smooth your path back out, assess your path again execute from where you left off. Don’t rush it, don’t be in a hurry.



One View



In closing of this series, I would like to say thank you to everyone that has helped me get to where I am and to those that have been the road blocks as well. All of you, helpers and blockers, have made me the creative person I am today and will continue helping me become the creative man I am meant to be. So to all of you, thank you. And for those that are struggling to get your creative life in order, have patience, find your path, be honest, keep a balance and continue learning. If you do this, the things you desire will come to you and the creations hidden deep inside will surface.





Photogeddon - Day 3

Sorry about this posted a day late. My wife decided that last night was supposed to be date night and how can I argue with that. We went to dinner and just talked for nearly an hour and a half. When we came home we watched a new Criminal Minds on the DVR and then called it an early night.

I was privileged yesterday to have been asked by Nathan Smith to assist with a senior portrait. Any chance to work with Nathan is an opportunity to see some genius at work and to take a few shots myself. The subject of this shoot is the lovely Kaitlynn. A senior at West Albany High School and a member of their dance team The Hi-Steppers. Here are some outtakes from that shoot.



Photogeddon - Nathan Smith



Photogeddon - Kaitlynn

Photogeddon - Kaitlynn



Photogeddon - Kaitlynn




Photogeddon - Kaitlynn

 Stop by Nathan's site to see some of the fantastic work he does. You might are going to be amazed!

The Global Castration of Creativity – Part 2: What Kills Creativity:

My Original Sketch

What kills creativity? In two words; everyday life. That is my answer. The things we encounter every day, from the moment we are born to the day we die, interact with our creativity. From day one we are told what to like and what not to like. We are educated about what is acceptable and what isn’t acceptable. We are bombarded with ads about good things, bad things and all things in between. And while some of the things we are taught are good teachings, such as “Murder is bad”, many of the teaching, especially around creativity are horrible teachings based on personal biases of the teacher and strictly matters of personal opinion. Coloring outside the lines is bad. Making macaroni patterns in our dinner plate is bad. One of the first lessons a child is taught is that not following the rules is bad and following the rules is not bad, therefore good.


Parents have the ability to nurture creativity in their children, but so many parents do the exact opposite of that. Parents generally want their kids to live fulfilling and successful lives. But based on the programming they received, to do that you have to get good grades, go to college, get married, have kids, have a demanding career and blah, blah, blah, blah. There is such a stigma associated with creative people’s lives; they are poor, unfulfilled, starving artist that become alcoholic, drug-using-mentally unstable individuals. This is not always the case, but it seems that this is the perception.



Childhood

 Parents are preprogramming their kids with the notion that they only way to have a good life is to following those rules, their rules. Parents believe this because those rules worked for them. And they learned those rules from their parents, who learned from their parents and so on and so forth. For the few parents that do guide or sometimes even push their child for creative success, it ends more times than not with the parents pushing the creative talent to a competitive level. The sad part of the creative competitiveness is that it takes only one competitive failure to start building the fear that encompasses so many lives.

Why do you think there are so few “successful” writers? Sure, there is Stephen King, Sue Grafton, and the lady who wrote the Harry Potter series. But for each and every “successful” writer there are dozens of unpublished writers who have talent and have a story worth telling, but live in fear and therefore never get published. Fear of the rejection letter, fear of being told they suck, fear of being publically humiliated; fear.

Fear is a powerful and real emotion. But it is our reaction to fear that separates the men from the boys. It is our reaction to fear that sends us down a one of two paths; Fight or Flight or as I like to phrase it, Try or Fail.



“Well, I guess we can see that creative writing and drawing is
not for you.” - My Fourth Grade Teacher

 I hate labels and avoid them like the plague generally. “Successful”, “unsuccessful”, “failure”… these are labels that do not fit in a successful creative person’s vocabulary. There are only two ways to fail as a creative person; don’t try and don’t learn. If you don’t try, you aren’t going to learn from the attempt. If you try, but don’t learn from the experience, what was the point of trying?

But my definition of creative success and failure isn’t what we are taught. The education system is all about grading all forms of work; they are the judge, jury and most times the executioner. Yup, I just said it; Educators, not all, but for the most part are creative executioners. While their type of grading mentality may work on a fact based subjects like a social studies, mathematics and Spanish subjects, when judging a creative result, there should be no grading outside of try and learn or didn’t try; pass or fail. Creativity is strictly objective, based not on facts, but on style, taste and preference. But the education system feels that testing is the only solution for the entire system. Can the student draw a straight line? Pass or Fail? Is the subject of the student’s photograph interesting and well composed? Pass or fail? Is the student’s story compelling? Pass or fail? Was the student’s music beautiful? Pass or fail? These are all subjective. Composition that works well for one person, doesn’t suit another. A written story no matter how compelling isn’t guaranteed to satisfy anyone, let alone everyone. A classical pianist is not going to be everyone’s cup of tea. So who are we to judge what is good and what is bad.



Handpainted Mural for my niece by me and my wife

 This judgmental-educational method/mentality is programmed early on. Penmanship is one of the first school related learning situations that is based on creativity and interpretation. No two people write in print or in cursive the same way, but the school system teaches kids that there is a right way and wrong way to make each and every letter in the alphabet. So when a child experiments with writing the letter S in their homework, their creativity is judged, graded and a letter is assigned to the final result. A, B, C, D or it is an F? How do they judge someone’s creative expression, whether it is their penmanship or their finger paintings or their poetry or their portfolio? Who are they, other than the pompous arrogance produced by the educational system, to say pass or fail? If anything, the system is the failure.

Another tactic used by schools is the red pen for grading. Students are required to use blue or black ink or gray pencil (good ole reliable #2) on their assignments. When the graded paper is returned it comes back with red marks and scribbles all over it indicating where the failures happened. The red ink stands out, no, the red ink jumps off the page screaming “Failure!” Public schools, for the most part, and their teaching staff, again for most part, are the guillotine of creativity.

Finding "Sex" in Junior Mints - It's there

This continues through college for most kids. Professors place rules around school work. I once had a math teacher that started his class out with this phrase; “50% of your grade will be based on the punctuation, spelling and grammar of the papers you turn in.” I was utterly baffled. A math class where half of my grade was based on an aspect of school not even math related. I deduced rather quickly that if I were to get only 30% of the math problems right and get 100% on spelling and grammar then I could still pull a C. That means I don’t have to focus as hard on learning the math and focus more on grammar aspect of my math homework. That is too bad because I am going to need as much math as I can get to prepare for my Engineering Degree.

Entertainment is a great killer of creativity as well. Television shows, movies, music, the internet and even literature are true killers of creativity in not only adults, but our young as well. In the era of the www.this and www.that, people are becoming complacent with instant gratification. Look at the housing market collapse. People were buying house they couldn’t afford simply because they wanted it and wanted it now. If you want a song, you can download it. If you want learn something, you can browse for it. Your phone, most likely, allows you to get directions without asking directions.

Entertainment today is about technology and technology is reducing human connections to 140 characters or less. Creativity is based on human connections. Every word written in a book, every drop of paint added to canvas, every pixel captured in a photograph is there to connect to a person. But these days, it is not unusual for someone to send a lunch invite via email to someone sitting two feet away rather than actually turning and talking to them. People are not connecting with people any more. People are connecting with 0s and 1s. This is why I hate text messaging. While I have a texting plan on my phone, it is only because people in my life refuse to not text me. It drives me crazy, but what can I do… not respond? Hmm… I think I may have a new strategy.

The Joy of Fall

Now, I know that stating something like technology is killing creativity is a bold statement, but I am here to make that statement. Technology is killing creativity. Technology is deepening our need for instant gratification. Technology is deepening our dependence on it for entertainment. Creativity is not as important as the fun-factor is. How many video games been made in the last twenty years? Most of the video games are based on common themes and story arcs, yet they continue selling new version of the same crap year after year. In the last twenty years, how many new video games released have been sequels or even sequels of sequels? In an essence kids are being taught through entertainment that you don’t have to be original, you just have to be fun.

So why would a kid want to write short story for the simple purpose of being creative and expressing themselves when they can sit in front of the television and kill zombies all day. Why take the four hours to read the book when the movie only takes 90 minutes to watch. The kid wouldn’t write a short story because writing takes a long time to see results and killing zombies can happen in minutes. The kid wouldn’t read the book because they aren’t getting the visceral visuals and audio blasting at their senses. The movies and games don’t require the use of any imagination. And the downside to that is imagination is like a muscle. Exercise a muscle and it becomes strong, dependable and enables you to do more, but if you stop using the muscle it becomes flaccid, weak and eventually becomes useless. Please don’t’ get me wrong. I love entertainment and movies, video games and other forms of digital entertainment have their place in the world and definitely in my life, but considering the current consumption rates of these technologies, they are making people creatively impotent.

Parents are to blame for this. Parents are responsibly for teaching an important lesson in balance. But the lesson in balance usually falls behind in priority to convenience. Today, parents now have the simple task of keeping their kids entertained; by keeping the computer, console game or internet connections up lazy parents have a live-in babysitter. Never mind what that babysitter might be teaching their child, parents are free, thanks to the technology babysitter, to pursue anything that doesn’t involve being a parent.



Don't Kill Your T.V.

 In the end, the loss of creativity is the road to complacency, laziness and unfulfilled non-creative lives. It isn’t just kids either. Many adults these days don’t know how to be creative. They don’t know how to create. Why would they need to? If they want something, they can go buy it, and probably don’t even need to leave their house to do that.

I am not one of those bumper sticker types, but if I had one bumper sticker, it would say, “Unplug three days a week”. I am not a fanatic, like those “Kill Your Television” types, but I believe that there is a benefit to disconnecting several days a week. If you are unsure of what to do with the time unplug time try reading, hiking, talking with your family, meditating or volunteering. Better yet, take a pair of scissors and a folded piece of paper and make a snowflake and then share your snowflake with the world!

Read Part 1 Here
Coming soon... Part 3: The Birth of Courage

Photogeddon - Day 2

So here is day two of photogedden. I have made it two days in a row and I am actually feeling really good about today, which is odd, because I got 2 hours of sleep last night and that usually doesn't bode well for me. But I am focusing on the god I am feeling right now.

Just in case anyone is doubting, I am serious about the that change that I need and my twelve steps I listed yesterday. I was up all night finishing Part 1 of The Global Castration of Creativity post that I posted early this morning. Tonight I will be working on the first draft of part two to get it ready for final review and publishing be the end of the day tomorrow.

My five shots for the day are:


Photogeddon - Downstream



Photogeddon - Upstream



Photogeddon - Partial Crossing

Reflections



Little Creek

 So that brings us to a close for Photogeddon Day 2. I am going to do some reading now, of course I am reading about cameras and photography and related stuff. What else would you expect?

The Global Castration of Creativity – Part One: The Death of Creativity

The Global Castration of Creativity – Part One: The Death of Creativity

As the title indicates, I am here to talk about how creativity in the world is dying and its death is rapidly accelerating. I know what you might be thinking; “With new mediums of expression and new art forms and literary pieces being pushed to the market daily, how can you think that creativity is dead?” Well, it is easy if you keep one simple statement in mind; to create is not to copy.

When was the last time you saw a movie that was ground breaking and truly original in the story that was told? How many authors have been published for the first time in the last year that haven’t been compared to another author with quotes like; “In the style of Stephen King” or “is like Edgar Allen Poe meet Mark Twain”. This happens because the author writes like those authors mentioned and doesn’t have his/her own voice.

Now, many people I know like to call on the movie The Matrix as a reference to a recent groundbreaking and original story? I would argue that the Matrix was a new way to tell many of the stories of the bible; they even used biblical names and themes such as;

• The name of Morpheus’ ship was Nebuchadnezzar - In the Bible, Nebuchadnezzar was a Babylonian king who searched for the meaning of his dreams.  
• The Greek name Morpheus was the name of the god of dreams. In the movie he is the leader of a group of rebel forces that tries to wake others from their dreams (in the Matrix). And Morpheus seeks out an Oracle to interpret reality--which is really a dream. 
• Neo’s Matrix name was Thomas Anderson. Anderson means Son of Man or Man’s Son, a direct reference to the messiah in the bible, by the end of the third film, is lifted into a Jesus Christ pose sans the cross. 
• Neo is killed by agents in the first film only to return to life confirming to everyone that he is the one, much like Jesus Christ did in the bible.

I could go on, but alas, this isn’t about how many references I can make between the Matrix and the bible. I just wanted to prove that the Matrix was not an original story. If you still don’t believe me, try reading the book Neuromancer by William Gibson and then try to argue about the originality of the Matrix.

The Matrix isn’t the only movie out there that is a new way to tell the same story. Look at all of the remakes of movies from the past. Today, it feels like more movies are being released, in all genres that are remakes of movies shot before. Don’t believe me, take a look at the list of movies that are or have been remade.

• List of Film Remakes A-M
• List of Film Remakes N-Z

Even music has failed to be inventive for years. Lyrics may change, but the message is always the same. The rhythm make get mixed up a little, but sampling has been around for years. Rock, Country, Punk all suffer from lack of creativity. Do you think that rap was an original art form that was invented back in the 80s with the advent of hip-hop and break-dancing? Try again. Johnny Cash sang a type of rap with songs like Boy Named Sue and Cocaine Blues. The actual origin of Rap is found in African Music. But it was musical comedy acts like Rudy Ray and Blowfly that are thought to be the forefathers of modern day R&B and Rap music.

My point is that we are in the midst of a generation where creativity is dying and it isn’t by accident.  It is tough to try to be original. Originality tends to be a “succeed or fail” path, with no gray area to dwell in. So many people tend take an easy path, copy something that has proven successful before and replicate it for their own success. Photography, drawing, music, just about every creative form of expression is failing to be creative; failing to be original. And the reason why it is failing is because of fear.

Death of Creativity:

I have spent forty-one years on this planet and it wasn’t until I met my wife six years ago that my creativity was truly nurtured. I spent my whole adult life in fear of doing something original. I used that fear to make statements affirming my inabilities to create like; “I can’t…”, “I lack…”, “I need…” and “I don’t…”. There are so many other negative statements as well and all of them drove me away from my natural desire to create.

My first memory of the source of this fear is an experience I had in the fourth grade. The assignment was to write a story based on a movie we had seen. I wrote my story, six pages with illustrations. I was proud of my work and I was excited about sharing what I had created.

We had to read the stories to the class. I sat in my chair listening to several others read their books, sort of. As a child of A.D.D. for which there was no term or diagnosis for at that time, I faded in and out between listening and fantasizing about the glory I would receive for my story. I applauded other students when they finished reading right along with the rest of the class, even if the story was about the girly things in life that did little to capture my attention. I will say, some of the stories were pretty good or at least I remember them being so.

When my time came, I read my story with pride. I read the book like I was the teacher. Showing the class the illustrations I had drawn as I read the story aloud. And when I finished, there was no grandiose applause like I had thought there would be. As a matter of fact there was no applause at all. But it wasn’t until my classmates actually ridiculed me that I felt some shame for my otherwise creative story.

But the real nail in coffin was when my teacher actually told me, “Well, I guess we can see that creative writing and drawing is not for you.” I was near tears when she said that. I was humiliated, ashamed and felt completely A-Bombed. I had just been creatively castrated and it hurt as bad as it sounded.

From that point forward I kept my creativity to myself whenever I could. Sure I continued to be creative, but I refused to share it except when I had to and there were times when I had to.

In the seventh grade, I had to take two classes; shop and art. Shop was not my thing. The funny thing about these classes was that students are actually graded for their creativity with an A-F scale. Imagine if you will that your art was given a pass or fail. Now image, if you will, that project after project getting the grade “Epic-Fail”. I made acrylic dice that had the holes drilled too deep so the clear acrylic cubes had these white lines all the way through them at all sorts of angles. Epic fail! Image a flipbook cartoon in which the stickman is running to the edge of a cliff and falls, but I ran out of flipbook paper before the stickman splats on the ground, and therefore it ends with him falling for eternity. According to my teacher; “Epic Fail”.

Epic fail after epic fail, after epic fail… Soon fear of these public failures and the humiliation that came with them forced me to not finish school projects and even other homework causing me to fail not only my art classes, but most of my classes. It wasn’t that I was dumb or lazy or even unable to learn. I was unmotivated and fearful of turning anything in. I feared the negativity. I feared the ridicule. I feared that I truly sucked and by not completing the assignments, I wouldn’t fail, which is known as failure by not trying.

As a result of my poor performance in school I was grounded for most of the summer, 7 of the twelve weeks. My mom had a rule with grades; every D was a week of being grounded and every F was two weeks. Seven weeks was the result of me receiving two Fs and three Ds. Yes… I actually passed two classes, gym and choir. The amazing thing about my groundings is that it was like solitary confinement. I was grounded to my room, door closed and no radio. Other than that I could do what I wanted to.

So I spent seven summer weeks in solitary. I could hear the kids outside playing and having fun. I could hear what my parents were listening to on the television. I was allowed out of the room to use the restroom and eat meals, but immediately afterwards, it was back in my room. I was also allowed to go to family events, like visiting relatives and the occasional grocery store visit; but I wasn’t allowed to play with my cousins outside and come on, how much fun is grocery shopping? Well actually after about week two, grocery shopping was like a trip to Disneyland. The bright-side of this tale of dungeon adventures was that I learned to be creative on my own and I didn’t have to share. Also as a plus, I am also much less likely to develop skin cancer than all of the other kids in my neighborhood, because with summer over half way over, by the time I was allowed outside, I was still a pasty white kid while all the other kids had their summer tans well on their way to the aged leather looks.

So this is what happens. At an early age if a child is not extremely gifted out the gate, they fail at creative activities, first ridiculed and judged and they are punished for their creative failures. Most are probably not grounded to solitary confinement-like conditions for seven weeks like I was, but still no parent is excited to see Ds and Fs and facing that music from a kids perspective is not a moment to anticipate. So not only is the child being ridiculed and judged for failing, but they are being punished for it as well. Talk about setting in motion a sense of worthlessness in child.

Coming soon... Part Two: What Kills Creativity. Then in part three I will discuss how I recovered from a lifetime of creativity killing in: Part 3: The Birth of Courage:
 
Stay tuned!

Photogeddon - Day 1

I have spent most of the childhood and adult life a fan of Winnie the Pooh. I can relate to each of the characters and even emulate most, if not all, of the various character’s traits. While some people are diagnosed as Bi-Polar, I can be very quad-polar in nature, though not diagnosed, even if one existed.


I am very uneven in my moods and extremely sensitive to the moods of other people, my environment and the weather. In my love of Winnie the Pooh I have identified many of the characters into four sub-personalities:

1. Passionate-Leaders – These choleric personalities, like the rabbit are temperamental, stubborn born leaders who take control and lead without looking back.

2. Optimistic-Fun-Lovers – The sanguine personalities, like Tigger and Roo, are fun-loving, friendly and adventurous. And while they can be annoying to some, like the Pessimistic Fun Suckers, they have a zest for life and rarely does something get them down. “Tiggers bounce because that’s what tiggers do best.”

3. Pessimistic-Fun-Suckers – These melancholic personalities are kind and gentle, but can’t find joy in anything. Eeyor is prime example of this with his “Everyone gets to bounce but me.” statement. Even Piglet was a pessimistic fun sucker because anytime anything went wrong, the world was about to end.

4. Easy-Going-Life-Lovers – These Phlegmatic personalities, like Pooh, are easy going, not easy to excite and gets along with everyone. Bad weather rolls in, Pooh response would be, “Oh, bother. I will just stay in and eat honey.” These personalities simply roll with the punches and make lemonade out of lemons.

I am, at one time or another, all of these and sometimes all within the same day. I am not suffering from Multiple Personality Disorder or anything of the sorts; I am simply that dynamic in my mindset from one moment to another. I wear my feelings on my sleeve most of the time, especially with those that get to know me more than just spending a few hours a month doing something I love (photography).


There are times though in which I can really get sucked into melancholic spiral that is hard to recover from. It is at these times that one of two things will happen; I will dwell in the spiral until a breaking point is hit, or I get up and do something about it to make a change proactively.

Photogeddon is about being proactive. It is about putting everything I have into my photographic art. Much like Armageddon is about the final battle of good versus evil, Photogeddon is about my battle against the things that remain in my way of success as a professional photographer. The things standing in my way include; me, finances, work/life balance, my day job, family, traffic, phases of the moon and just anything else that can be blamed for success or failure in life.

Yes, in that last sentence I did just declare Photogeddon on me. Why not go to war with myself? I am my biggest obstacle to my own success. 99% of the things that I can list as obstacles to my success are obstacles of my own creation. Finances is the result my own past, present and future choices and actions. My day job the result of me letting my day job bleed into my personal and outside professional life. Hell, even the creative road blocks I frequently suffer from are the result of my inability to deal with my inner critic. I am my own worst creative enemy and demotivator.


I was recently invited by a fellow photographer to join him and other local photographers on an overnight photo excursion. While at first I was excited to participate, I soon started doubting what I would get out of an all night shoot. Then I started wondering, “Gee, this is Oregon in fall… it’s going to rain.” Then I stooped into the “WTF is the point” mentality. Just to give you an idea of how my mind works:

8:10AM – I read the Email Invite

8:12AM – I reply with a positive yes

8:30AM – I wonder what I would get from a shoot like this.

9:45AM – I speculate that it will likely rain making the event miserable.

10:15AM – I start doubting my ability to take quality photographs.

11:00AM – Over lunch I contemplate my dedication to my craft.

12:30AM – I get the idea of walking the earth. What does that mean? I am not sure, but would include liquidating all my belongings, save some of my camera stuff, and head out on foot, to walk the Earth. Unplug from the corporate grind and vanish off the grid, travelling by foot to destinations unknown until I felt satisfied. It is very Kwai Chang Caine-like in its meaning, but probably more Forrest Gump in its execution. There is that inner critic coming through. SHUT UP YOU!

2:00 PM – I come up with Photogeddon.

Back in February of this year I came across a little video by Zack Arias called Transform. If you have not seen it, you probably have been living under a rock without any access to the internet, but if you are reading this now, it is definitely worth a look. For me it came at an important cross road of my decision to go pro. And now, I am seeing that I NEED to go watch it again for a little refresher and uplift from this slump I am feeling today.


So let me get back to Photogeddon. I am going to attack, with the full force of my mental armies, the enemy that is self-destruction. The process for me is much like a Twelve-Step program.

1. I will stay involved in developing myself and others. I will go to the overnight shoot with fellow photographer, rain, sleet, snow and inner critic be damned, and I will experiment and play but most of all I will have fun.

2. I will share my results with you here. Good, bad or indifferent; I will share and accept feedback constructively, even when the feedback isn’t so constructive.

3. I will help others. I am going to help others improve their craft and develop their voice.

4. I will believe in others.

5. I will motivate myself. I will watch Zack’s Transform video as well as his Creative Live series again. I will read informational and motivational blog posts.

6. I will take five photos each and every day. I will share these photos here with the title of Photogeddon – Day X.

7. I will try; day after day, week after week and month after month. This means every day I will do something new and stop living/reliving in yesterday’s success/failure.

8. I will continue to develop myself. I will attend Joel Zak’s Artist’s Way for Photographers workshop in January. I will attend Kevin Kubota’s Digital Photography Bootcamp® next year and each year following I will attend two or more workshops.

9. I will believe in myself. If I can’t believe in myself, how can I believe in others? I have the knowledge. I have the talent. I have the drive. I just have to believe it and I will from now on.

10. I will put my foot in the ass of all my critics; my inner critic included. There will be no more fear in my life. No fear of failure. No fear of success. No fear of disappointing myself or others.

11. I will take one day off from my day job per month and spend that day developing my photographic voice and style. This is not an exercise of mimicking others, but actually developing my own voice, my style, my own self.

12. I will share my voice with the world.

This does not start tomorrow. This does not start next Monday. This does not start next week. This starts now! And to prove that to myself, here are my first five photographs, taken today as I walked out of work to head home.

This is Photogeddon – Day 1.



Photogedden - Image 1



Photogeddon - Image 2



Photogeddon - Image 3



Photogeddon - Image 4



Photogeddon - Image 5

Welcome to Photogeddon.

Bride and Groom to be... and so much more



Bride and Groom To Be...

 I met with the bride and groom today at the wedding location. Lighting is going to be a wicked evil bugger here, but never fear, because my Kung-Fu is strong.

The location is beautiful with many strong backgrounds and props to work with. My creativity went into overdrive.

To the left is the happy couple I am shooting for. I am not sure what they were talking about, as I was way to focused on the location and light situation to have paid any attention to them right now, but I am sure, based on the use of the finger down to the table that she won. :)


Vows Location


The image on the right is where the vows will be given. We will move the furniture out of the way to open the location up and expose the hidden firewood piles as well as the wood stove.

The mirror makes for interesting element in this frame. I am going to try a few higher angle shots, as well as some low angle shots during the event. This is going to make a great location for shooting the vows.

I have to give props to my model. She is 9 year old Hannah, my daughter. She is a ham in front of and even behind the camera. But most importantly, she is patient with me as I do what I do.





Special Shots Location



The pool table is going to my platform for a few special shots involving the unconventional nature of the wedding.

This is going to be a blast!

The wall to the far left corner of the room will be my potential backdrop for the guest portraits.

Can you see all of the character of the room? I can. Oh man... I am stoked!





 

Lightroom Preset: Burnt Caramel

The purpose of the Burnt Caramel preset is to create a golden brown/dark cream tone to the image. This is done by using split toning and strengthening the black levels.

The image to the left is primarily blue and in my original processing of the photo, I converted it to black and white, which works all on its own.

I love the look and feel of the photo on the right, which has the Burnt Caramel preset applied to it.

The preset gives the photo a sepia feel without the aged (old) look to the image. It also warms the image a little without having the golden tone of yellow which would look artificial since the shadows in the photo indicate the sun it still high in the sky and that golden hour is a long ways off.

Download Here


To install the preset, copy the file in the zip (xxx.lrtemplate) to your Develop Presets folder on your computer. If you don't know where to find this folder, open Lightroom. Click on Edit menu and select Preferences. Click on the Presets tab and click the Show Lightroom Presets Folder... button.

Before and After

What a difference a year or two can make. Not only the tools that are used, but the ability to use them.

The image on the left is the result I produced two years ago. Not bad for my first time shooting a model and processing this type of shot, but it wasn't quite what I wanted.

Since I didn't know how to get what I wanted, I left the photo on the back burner until I figured it out.

It has a slight high key feel to it, but not nearly what I was wanting. See the second process attempt below.

The photo to the right gets me a little closer to the high key shot I was trying to accomplish.

This photo was processed by using Imagenomics Portrature. Loving the results thus far, just a little more to go.

Which of these photo do you prefer, the before (above left) or the after (to the right)? I am curious to know, so please leave a comment below and share.

First Day of Fall

In celebration of the first day of fall, I wandered into the creek to capture some moments that would have been otherwise missed.

River of Blues




Hanging On

How have you celebrated the first day of fall?