It amazes me the difference that a day can make. I am actually talking about a 24 hour period and not some metaphore. Yesterday at this time I was stressed to max. I was facing another day at a job that I was unsatisfied with. I was facing another day of career uncertainty. I was facing another day of pain. I was facing another day of unfulfilled dreams.
Then I woke up this morning. I woke to pain. I woke to dread. I woke to stress. I woke up like it was any other workday. I went to work. I worked on a couple of issues that arose over night. Over my lunch break I went grocery shopping for the BBQ my photography group was holding that night. I came back, sat at my desk, eating my lunch and working.
But this was different. This is the day that change was coming at me like a freight train; unstoppable. This is the day that would shape not only my near future, but my long term plans as well. Today was the day that I learned that my position with the company was being cut. I wasn't fired. I wasn't laid off. I was just told that my position with the company was no longer needed. I received my final paycheck and was escorted out the door.
This is a good thing really. I am being serious. My wife and I are actually feeling relief from this outcome. I had planned to leave the company in January. The job wasn't satisfying for me anymore. I wasn't able to meet the demands of the position any longer; that is a long story that I won't go into.
The company is a great company. They make great products and do good things for the communities they inhabit. It was simply time, some may say way past time, for us to go separate ways. All in all I am happy that things worked out the way they did.
Do get me wrong, a part of me is sad about this transition. I left a couple of projects unfinished and I hate it when that happens. I won't have lunch with my best buddy Shawn everyday like I have for the last two and half years. I won't be able to poke my buddy Michael eleventy-times a day. I won't be able to hear Molly giggle when I say completely inappropriate things like, "It's muggy in Mianus... Connecticut." (Yes that is a real town). I won't be able to grunt disparagingly at Joel every morning when he came all chipper and makes it a point to say "Good Morning" to me, knowing all to well how I felt about mornings (secretly; he was breaking me down day by day, I almost day good morning back at him twice just last week). I will miss my long chats with Mike. I will miss my wonderfully entertaining conversations with my relatively new friend, Becky.
Regardless of what I will miss, change happens. Sometimes it is for the best, sometimes it is not. Other times is a mix of both. But you can't fight change. You can't stop change. Like that freight train analogy, you either get out of the way and let it pass you by or you hop on and see where it takes you. You simply have to adjust. Any of my friends who wish to remain in my life will remain in my life, just under different circumstances. My unfinished projects will simply be finished by someone else. I will be able to pursue my dream of photography as a profession. I will be able to pursue my goal being self employed and I will no longer be at the mercy of some executive decision that I no longer have control over.
Those that know me, know that I have authority figure issues. For example; Tell me what needs to be done and I will get it done. Tell me how I need to do it, and things will not go so well. Micro managers and I don't usually get along so well.
Those that know me, know that I say whatever is on my mind, if I feel it is important, when it is on my mind, regardless of who is in the room at the time. For example; When my last manager, who left the company last year at this time, announced he was leaving with all of the staff and the Vice President of Finance in the room, I simply responded, "Duane, you suck!" When we were told that a dress code that involved wearing suits was a possibility, I responded with, "If that happens, the company will get my resignation." This was within ear shot of two managers and all of the other staff. These were things I am passionate about and these types of things come out of my mouth without a second thought; no filters.
I am not fit for a position within a corporate environment. I am not wired for that environment. I am too in dependant. I am too strong willed. I am too vocal. Because of this, it would be foolish for me to pursue another position in a corporate setting just to have it end with the exact same result as my last three coporate positions have; my position within the company being cut.
The company I have left will continue to do great things. The will continue to develop innovative products. They will continue to give back to the community. They will continue to thrive and prosper and I only wish them the best in the future.
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| I am a Photographer |
So don't feel bad for me. Be excited for me. I am, literally, on to bigger and better things. I will be GREAT! I will be taken of. I am following my dream. Yes, I am 41 years old and I am just now pursuing my dreams, but at least I am doing it. So many people die each and every day without having followed a dream. They simply pursued what is considered safe. They pursued what they were told is right. I am taking my future into my hands and making a difference in my life. Because before I can make a difference for someone else, I have to be able to do it for me first.
24 hours ago my life was on hold, waiting for something to happen. Now... The door of opportunity has slammed opened and now that I have a hold of my dream that is on the other side, that door will be damned before it shuts and closes me out of my dream again. So look out world, I am here and things are getting interesting.
