Photogeddon - Day 2

So here is day two of photogedden. I have made it two days in a row and I am actually feeling really good about today, which is odd, because I got 2 hours of sleep last night and that usually doesn't bode well for me. But I am focusing on the god I am feeling right now.

Just in case anyone is doubting, I am serious about the that change that I need and my twelve steps I listed yesterday. I was up all night finishing Part 1 of The Global Castration of Creativity post that I posted early this morning. Tonight I will be working on the first draft of part two to get it ready for final review and publishing be the end of the day tomorrow.

My five shots for the day are:


Photogeddon - Downstream



Photogeddon - Upstream



Photogeddon - Partial Crossing

Reflections



Little Creek

 So that brings us to a close for Photogeddon Day 2. I am going to do some reading now, of course I am reading about cameras and photography and related stuff. What else would you expect?

The Global Castration of Creativity – Part One: The Death of Creativity

The Global Castration of Creativity – Part One: The Death of Creativity

As the title indicates, I am here to talk about how creativity in the world is dying and its death is rapidly accelerating. I know what you might be thinking; “With new mediums of expression and new art forms and literary pieces being pushed to the market daily, how can you think that creativity is dead?” Well, it is easy if you keep one simple statement in mind; to create is not to copy.

When was the last time you saw a movie that was ground breaking and truly original in the story that was told? How many authors have been published for the first time in the last year that haven’t been compared to another author with quotes like; “In the style of Stephen King” or “is like Edgar Allen Poe meet Mark Twain”. This happens because the author writes like those authors mentioned and doesn’t have his/her own voice.

Now, many people I know like to call on the movie The Matrix as a reference to a recent groundbreaking and original story? I would argue that the Matrix was a new way to tell many of the stories of the bible; they even used biblical names and themes such as;

• The name of Morpheus’ ship was Nebuchadnezzar - In the Bible, Nebuchadnezzar was a Babylonian king who searched for the meaning of his dreams.  
• The Greek name Morpheus was the name of the god of dreams. In the movie he is the leader of a group of rebel forces that tries to wake others from their dreams (in the Matrix). And Morpheus seeks out an Oracle to interpret reality--which is really a dream. 
• Neo’s Matrix name was Thomas Anderson. Anderson means Son of Man or Man’s Son, a direct reference to the messiah in the bible, by the end of the third film, is lifted into a Jesus Christ pose sans the cross. 
• Neo is killed by agents in the first film only to return to life confirming to everyone that he is the one, much like Jesus Christ did in the bible.

I could go on, but alas, this isn’t about how many references I can make between the Matrix and the bible. I just wanted to prove that the Matrix was not an original story. If you still don’t believe me, try reading the book Neuromancer by William Gibson and then try to argue about the originality of the Matrix.

The Matrix isn’t the only movie out there that is a new way to tell the same story. Look at all of the remakes of movies from the past. Today, it feels like more movies are being released, in all genres that are remakes of movies shot before. Don’t believe me, take a look at the list of movies that are or have been remade.

• List of Film Remakes A-M
• List of Film Remakes N-Z

Even music has failed to be inventive for years. Lyrics may change, but the message is always the same. The rhythm make get mixed up a little, but sampling has been around for years. Rock, Country, Punk all suffer from lack of creativity. Do you think that rap was an original art form that was invented back in the 80s with the advent of hip-hop and break-dancing? Try again. Johnny Cash sang a type of rap with songs like Boy Named Sue and Cocaine Blues. The actual origin of Rap is found in African Music. But it was musical comedy acts like Rudy Ray and Blowfly that are thought to be the forefathers of modern day R&B and Rap music.

My point is that we are in the midst of a generation where creativity is dying and it isn’t by accident.  It is tough to try to be original. Originality tends to be a “succeed or fail” path, with no gray area to dwell in. So many people tend take an easy path, copy something that has proven successful before and replicate it for their own success. Photography, drawing, music, just about every creative form of expression is failing to be creative; failing to be original. And the reason why it is failing is because of fear.

Death of Creativity:

I have spent forty-one years on this planet and it wasn’t until I met my wife six years ago that my creativity was truly nurtured. I spent my whole adult life in fear of doing something original. I used that fear to make statements affirming my inabilities to create like; “I can’t…”, “I lack…”, “I need…” and “I don’t…”. There are so many other negative statements as well and all of them drove me away from my natural desire to create.

My first memory of the source of this fear is an experience I had in the fourth grade. The assignment was to write a story based on a movie we had seen. I wrote my story, six pages with illustrations. I was proud of my work and I was excited about sharing what I had created.

We had to read the stories to the class. I sat in my chair listening to several others read their books, sort of. As a child of A.D.D. for which there was no term or diagnosis for at that time, I faded in and out between listening and fantasizing about the glory I would receive for my story. I applauded other students when they finished reading right along with the rest of the class, even if the story was about the girly things in life that did little to capture my attention. I will say, some of the stories were pretty good or at least I remember them being so.

When my time came, I read my story with pride. I read the book like I was the teacher. Showing the class the illustrations I had drawn as I read the story aloud. And when I finished, there was no grandiose applause like I had thought there would be. As a matter of fact there was no applause at all. But it wasn’t until my classmates actually ridiculed me that I felt some shame for my otherwise creative story.

But the real nail in coffin was when my teacher actually told me, “Well, I guess we can see that creative writing and drawing is not for you.” I was near tears when she said that. I was humiliated, ashamed and felt completely A-Bombed. I had just been creatively castrated and it hurt as bad as it sounded.

From that point forward I kept my creativity to myself whenever I could. Sure I continued to be creative, but I refused to share it except when I had to and there were times when I had to.

In the seventh grade, I had to take two classes; shop and art. Shop was not my thing. The funny thing about these classes was that students are actually graded for their creativity with an A-F scale. Imagine if you will that your art was given a pass or fail. Now image, if you will, that project after project getting the grade “Epic-Fail”. I made acrylic dice that had the holes drilled too deep so the clear acrylic cubes had these white lines all the way through them at all sorts of angles. Epic fail! Image a flipbook cartoon in which the stickman is running to the edge of a cliff and falls, but I ran out of flipbook paper before the stickman splats on the ground, and therefore it ends with him falling for eternity. According to my teacher; “Epic Fail”.

Epic fail after epic fail, after epic fail… Soon fear of these public failures and the humiliation that came with them forced me to not finish school projects and even other homework causing me to fail not only my art classes, but most of my classes. It wasn’t that I was dumb or lazy or even unable to learn. I was unmotivated and fearful of turning anything in. I feared the negativity. I feared the ridicule. I feared that I truly sucked and by not completing the assignments, I wouldn’t fail, which is known as failure by not trying.

As a result of my poor performance in school I was grounded for most of the summer, 7 of the twelve weeks. My mom had a rule with grades; every D was a week of being grounded and every F was two weeks. Seven weeks was the result of me receiving two Fs and three Ds. Yes… I actually passed two classes, gym and choir. The amazing thing about my groundings is that it was like solitary confinement. I was grounded to my room, door closed and no radio. Other than that I could do what I wanted to.

So I spent seven summer weeks in solitary. I could hear the kids outside playing and having fun. I could hear what my parents were listening to on the television. I was allowed out of the room to use the restroom and eat meals, but immediately afterwards, it was back in my room. I was also allowed to go to family events, like visiting relatives and the occasional grocery store visit; but I wasn’t allowed to play with my cousins outside and come on, how much fun is grocery shopping? Well actually after about week two, grocery shopping was like a trip to Disneyland. The bright-side of this tale of dungeon adventures was that I learned to be creative on my own and I didn’t have to share. Also as a plus, I am also much less likely to develop skin cancer than all of the other kids in my neighborhood, because with summer over half way over, by the time I was allowed outside, I was still a pasty white kid while all the other kids had their summer tans well on their way to the aged leather looks.

So this is what happens. At an early age if a child is not extremely gifted out the gate, they fail at creative activities, first ridiculed and judged and they are punished for their creative failures. Most are probably not grounded to solitary confinement-like conditions for seven weeks like I was, but still no parent is excited to see Ds and Fs and facing that music from a kids perspective is not a moment to anticipate. So not only is the child being ridiculed and judged for failing, but they are being punished for it as well. Talk about setting in motion a sense of worthlessness in child.

Coming soon... Part Two: What Kills Creativity. Then in part three I will discuss how I recovered from a lifetime of creativity killing in: Part 3: The Birth of Courage:
 
Stay tuned!

Photogeddon - Day 1

I have spent most of the childhood and adult life a fan of Winnie the Pooh. I can relate to each of the characters and even emulate most, if not all, of the various character’s traits. While some people are diagnosed as Bi-Polar, I can be very quad-polar in nature, though not diagnosed, even if one existed.


I am very uneven in my moods and extremely sensitive to the moods of other people, my environment and the weather. In my love of Winnie the Pooh I have identified many of the characters into four sub-personalities:

1. Passionate-Leaders – These choleric personalities, like the rabbit are temperamental, stubborn born leaders who take control and lead without looking back.

2. Optimistic-Fun-Lovers – The sanguine personalities, like Tigger and Roo, are fun-loving, friendly and adventurous. And while they can be annoying to some, like the Pessimistic Fun Suckers, they have a zest for life and rarely does something get them down. “Tiggers bounce because that’s what tiggers do best.”

3. Pessimistic-Fun-Suckers – These melancholic personalities are kind and gentle, but can’t find joy in anything. Eeyor is prime example of this with his “Everyone gets to bounce but me.” statement. Even Piglet was a pessimistic fun sucker because anytime anything went wrong, the world was about to end.

4. Easy-Going-Life-Lovers – These Phlegmatic personalities, like Pooh, are easy going, not easy to excite and gets along with everyone. Bad weather rolls in, Pooh response would be, “Oh, bother. I will just stay in and eat honey.” These personalities simply roll with the punches and make lemonade out of lemons.

I am, at one time or another, all of these and sometimes all within the same day. I am not suffering from Multiple Personality Disorder or anything of the sorts; I am simply that dynamic in my mindset from one moment to another. I wear my feelings on my sleeve most of the time, especially with those that get to know me more than just spending a few hours a month doing something I love (photography).


There are times though in which I can really get sucked into melancholic spiral that is hard to recover from. It is at these times that one of two things will happen; I will dwell in the spiral until a breaking point is hit, or I get up and do something about it to make a change proactively.

Photogeddon is about being proactive. It is about putting everything I have into my photographic art. Much like Armageddon is about the final battle of good versus evil, Photogeddon is about my battle against the things that remain in my way of success as a professional photographer. The things standing in my way include; me, finances, work/life balance, my day job, family, traffic, phases of the moon and just anything else that can be blamed for success or failure in life.

Yes, in that last sentence I did just declare Photogeddon on me. Why not go to war with myself? I am my biggest obstacle to my own success. 99% of the things that I can list as obstacles to my success are obstacles of my own creation. Finances is the result my own past, present and future choices and actions. My day job the result of me letting my day job bleed into my personal and outside professional life. Hell, even the creative road blocks I frequently suffer from are the result of my inability to deal with my inner critic. I am my own worst creative enemy and demotivator.


I was recently invited by a fellow photographer to join him and other local photographers on an overnight photo excursion. While at first I was excited to participate, I soon started doubting what I would get out of an all night shoot. Then I started wondering, “Gee, this is Oregon in fall… it’s going to rain.” Then I stooped into the “WTF is the point” mentality. Just to give you an idea of how my mind works:

8:10AM – I read the Email Invite

8:12AM – I reply with a positive yes

8:30AM – I wonder what I would get from a shoot like this.

9:45AM – I speculate that it will likely rain making the event miserable.

10:15AM – I start doubting my ability to take quality photographs.

11:00AM – Over lunch I contemplate my dedication to my craft.

12:30AM – I get the idea of walking the earth. What does that mean? I am not sure, but would include liquidating all my belongings, save some of my camera stuff, and head out on foot, to walk the Earth. Unplug from the corporate grind and vanish off the grid, travelling by foot to destinations unknown until I felt satisfied. It is very Kwai Chang Caine-like in its meaning, but probably more Forrest Gump in its execution. There is that inner critic coming through. SHUT UP YOU!

2:00 PM – I come up with Photogeddon.

Back in February of this year I came across a little video by Zack Arias called Transform. If you have not seen it, you probably have been living under a rock without any access to the internet, but if you are reading this now, it is definitely worth a look. For me it came at an important cross road of my decision to go pro. And now, I am seeing that I NEED to go watch it again for a little refresher and uplift from this slump I am feeling today.


So let me get back to Photogeddon. I am going to attack, with the full force of my mental armies, the enemy that is self-destruction. The process for me is much like a Twelve-Step program.

1. I will stay involved in developing myself and others. I will go to the overnight shoot with fellow photographer, rain, sleet, snow and inner critic be damned, and I will experiment and play but most of all I will have fun.

2. I will share my results with you here. Good, bad or indifferent; I will share and accept feedback constructively, even when the feedback isn’t so constructive.

3. I will help others. I am going to help others improve their craft and develop their voice.

4. I will believe in others.

5. I will motivate myself. I will watch Zack’s Transform video as well as his Creative Live series again. I will read informational and motivational blog posts.

6. I will take five photos each and every day. I will share these photos here with the title of Photogeddon – Day X.

7. I will try; day after day, week after week and month after month. This means every day I will do something new and stop living/reliving in yesterday’s success/failure.

8. I will continue to develop myself. I will attend Joel Zak’s Artist’s Way for Photographers workshop in January. I will attend Kevin Kubota’s Digital Photography Bootcamp® next year and each year following I will attend two or more workshops.

9. I will believe in myself. If I can’t believe in myself, how can I believe in others? I have the knowledge. I have the talent. I have the drive. I just have to believe it and I will from now on.

10. I will put my foot in the ass of all my critics; my inner critic included. There will be no more fear in my life. No fear of failure. No fear of success. No fear of disappointing myself or others.

11. I will take one day off from my day job per month and spend that day developing my photographic voice and style. This is not an exercise of mimicking others, but actually developing my own voice, my style, my own self.

12. I will share my voice with the world.

This does not start tomorrow. This does not start next Monday. This does not start next week. This starts now! And to prove that to myself, here are my first five photographs, taken today as I walked out of work to head home.

This is Photogeddon – Day 1.



Photogedden - Image 1



Photogeddon - Image 2



Photogeddon - Image 3



Photogeddon - Image 4



Photogeddon - Image 5

Welcome to Photogeddon.